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June 13, 2010

For the past two weeks, my routine has been thrown off-track. Two weeks ago, it was the third anniversary for my husband and I as well as his birthday (yes, they are in the same week–one day apart, to be exact). That threw off my routine. Last week, I had car troubles….thank goodness, all is well now, but it also threw off my routine due to having to rely on others to give me rides and all of the other things that come along with car troubles. I notice that whenever a kink is tossed into my life, my entire routine seems to go out the window. I become so focused on getting only the absolutely necessary things done. You know, sleeping, eating, preventing the dust bunnies from entirely taking over the house, getting to work and staying sane. And I seem to do OK with all of that. But I find that the things that go away first are my yoga classes and along with that my blogging (no yoga classes = no momentous life changing deep philosophical thoughts = no blogging).
I know that I am human and that I won’t always be able to get to my yoga classes or my blog as much as I would like, but at the end of these two weeks, I am feeling disconnected from myself in a way that I am no longer comfortable with. Before my recent devotion to studying yoga, I always felt disconnected to myself without recognizing completely what it was that I felt. I knew that I wasn’t happy but it wasn’t the type of unhappy that I could pin on anything or anyone in my life except for myself. It almost felt like I was in a sort of coma or something. As I became more and more involved in studying yoga, I began to explore myself without fear, which was HUGE for me. I have been afraid of who I really am for a very long time. Please don’t ask me why, because I don’t have a good answer for you. But I began to understand that I am perfect the way I am and that there is nothing to be afraid of. There is nothing to be afraid of. That may sound trivial, but it really was working its way in changing the way I relate to myself and the entire world. Now that I have been on an unintended hiatus in my yoga studies for over two weeks, I find myself back in the place I was for so long. But now, I recognize it. And now I can see the difference. And this time, I am not going to let myself slip into that coma. In yoga, my instructors often point out how just noticing something will organically create a change. For me, it is so true. I am noticing the difference I feel when I don’t practice my yoga and want to return to feeling more connected with who I really am. Without judging myself for falling out of my yoga routine, I can simply notice that things have changed and work towards a place that creates more ease and peace in my life. No questions asked. Isn’t it wonderful?

Knowing others is intelligence. Knowing yourself is true wisdom
~Lao Tse

One Comment leave one →
  1. June 13, 2010 8:29 PM

    I know all about routines and bein upset with them being disturbed. The more I read your blogg, the more I think I need to start yoga. Keep the lessons coming!

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